I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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