Kiss
Puke
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
