I looked at my own cervix.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
