Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
