i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
