Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
