I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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