What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize