I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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