So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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