he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
