giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
