I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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