respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
