i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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