I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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