I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
