don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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