I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
