I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
