Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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