this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
