How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
