I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
