when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
