he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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