Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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