At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Less talking, more tequila
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
