Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
