hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
