Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
