I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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