Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
