hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
