I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
