Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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