My room smells like vodka and shame
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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