Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
