she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
