sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Still dying that you shit outside
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
