She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just gargled with NyQuil
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
