Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
