Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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