Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
