Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
