I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
