Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
