well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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