My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize