Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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