dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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