She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
