If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
