i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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