The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
