I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
