i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
