I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
