it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
