do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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