i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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