Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
