I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
is it fun? or sober?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
