I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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