FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
