dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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