don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
