You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
