my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize